I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
