Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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