I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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