my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
