oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
