my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
