He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
