Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
