Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize