I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
