Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
