help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize