You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
