why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
