I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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