i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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