you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
