I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
