Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
is it fun? or sober?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
