eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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