I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize