i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize