I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
