you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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