I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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