my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize