I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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