Whats the glycemic index on semen?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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