you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
