Nicole vs. Life
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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