when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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