How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
