Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
