How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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