i was born a porn star she said
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Randomize
