Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
