He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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