i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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