We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize