so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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