dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
