I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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