I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
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