waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
