LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Your penis caused this!
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