Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
