Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
