do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
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