chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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