All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
