meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
