She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
