put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
