Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
