mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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