whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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