i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
