I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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