I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
