It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
