brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
