Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
