do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
