he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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