mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize