I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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