I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
