My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
