I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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